


Danganronpa 413: Hopestuck

by vulpineRamblings



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Homestuck
Genre: Amnesia, Danganronpa AU so lots of violence and death, F/F, M/M, POV Karkat Vantas, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-18 16:38:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14217324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulpineRamblings/pseuds/vulpineRamblings
Summary: Your name is Karkat Vantas, you have no idea how you ended up trapped inside this schoolhive, and to make things worse some bear wants everyone to kill each other. To top it off the humans and trolls who aren't violent are all idiots and you're definitely going to die here.Aka a Homestuck Danganronpa AU starring the Alternian trolls and the alpha and beta kids.





	1. Welcome to Hope's Peak Academy

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably add more tags as this goes on and I figure out what needs tagged. If I'm missing anything please let me know! I'm new at this.
> 
> This is the first fanfic I've ever written.

The first thing you notice when you wake up is that you are hunched over an unfamiliar desk. It certainly isn’t your recuperacoon, where you should be sleeping if you kept any kind of healthy sleep schedule. How did you even manage to sleep in...wherever this is? Glancing around you seem to be in one of those strange human schoolfeed blocks.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you have no idea how the fuck you got here. Rows of these shitty desks and chairs take up most of the space, but you seem to be alone. Which is even more bizarre from what you know of these human “schools”, usually they are filled with the noisy aliens. Then again, your memory is so scrambled at the moment that trying to recall anything is causing your thinkpan to ache.

You try not to think about how you have no idea what's going on or how much danger this probably means you're in, because panicking like a pathetic wiggler would ensure an embarrassing death worthy of your joke of a life. Instead you resolve to get up and at least look around this room. As you stand, a clattering of something hitting the floor startles you. You definitely do not let out an undignified squeak that you would vehemently deny if anyone were around to hear.

Recovering quickly, because there are no enemies and you _really_ need to not be so panicky, you notice the cause of the sound. A tablet you had spectacularly failed to notice lies on the floor, it must have been under your arms or wedged in your seat. Gog you aren’t good at this. You need to get out of here and back to the relative safety of your hive. Where the fuck are you?

It takes you a moment of fiddling around before you figure out how to turn the tablet on. You are greeted by a bizarre welcome screen with the words “Student Handbook”. After a short delay a message appears, one that leaves you even more confused about your current predicament.

“Welcome to Hope’s Peak Academy!

Today starts your exciting, heart-pounding, high school career! Here at Hope’s Peak Academy we gather only the most talented of students: The Ultimates. Each and every one of the 20 members of your class are Ultimates, top elites in various subjects, that have been brought here to hone their abilities. You will learn more about the Academy during your time here.

This tablet is your Student Handbook. It will be a vital asset in your time here at Hope’s Peak so don’t lose it! There are already a few special features to help you out and more will be added later. What will they be? You'll have to wait and find out! Can't ruin the surprise~

The opening ceremony will begin shortly in the gym; you should make your way there using the Map feature if you're lost. Be sure to introduce yourself to your classmates on the way. There's no need to rush and this is the perfect opportunity to make new friends~”

You decide that following these instructions would be the most pan numbingly stupid idea you could have and instead look for any other exit besides the door. Finding that it is, in fact, the only exit you contemplate curling into a ball and awaiting whatever end to your life this place has in store. Deciding that _that_ is actually the worst idea you've ever had and past Karkat is a moron for ever thinking it, you resign yourself to discovering whatever steaming pile of hoofbeast shit awaits in this “academy”.

Vulnerable without a weapon, you instinctively hunch into yourself as you open the door. The first thing you notice when you cautiously peer into the hall is how run down the place looks. Dust clings to every surface and every window is covered up by a thick sheet of metal. A million questions buzz through your sponge.

Is this place abandoned? Why were you brought here if it was? Where is the exit? _Is_ there an exit? Could the metal be ripped from the windows? They look heavily reinforced but maybe-

You are interrupted by a loud shriek and then, thankfully before you have the time to make whatever embarrassing noise was about to leave your shouthole, you feel the wind get knocked out of you as your face makes a new friend with the ground. The weight of whatever pan shittingly stupid asshole tackled you sits on your back, effectively pinning you in place.

“Nepeta sits triumphantly atop her purrey. None are safe from this purredator, but this catch looks especially interesting. She studies his nubby little horns and mews out a greeting,” the culprit says. You take a few moments to gape at the astounding stupidity of a life that has led you to be taken down by a roleplayer of all things, before you manage to unleash the beginnings of what will undoubtedly be only the first of many tirades this day.

“Why the actual fuck did you tackle me? I mean besides whatever panshittingly stupid scenario you have concocted that makes pouncing like an overexcited wiggler onto the first moving thing you see a legitimate greeting,” you attempt to squirm free from your assaulter. The struggle only serves to fuel your rage. “You could at least have the fucking decency to get the fuck off me before descending into a detailed description of your every action, as if we were in a chatroom instead of right fucking here where I have two working ganderbulbs perfectly capable of watching this stupidity as it unfolds. I don't need paragraphs of exposition before you get to the fucking point of this miserable social interaction.”

“Nepeta apawlogizes and stands up, letting her adorable shouty purrey free,” she narrates as she releases you. You quickly scramble back to your feet as she continues. “She just wanted to make a fun impurression on her new clawsmate! My name is Nepeta Leijon, she says, and I am the Ultimate Roleplayer!”

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” you say, rolling your eyes. “I'm Karkat Vantas and I have no idea what all that “Ultimate” nonsense is about or what no doubt fucking pan blowing in it’s mediocrity my role is supposed to be.”

“Hmmm Nepeta is unsure what Karkat means. She remembers the handbook telling her but she thinks maybe not evfurryone was told?”

“Of course! If nothing else in this shitty excuse for a universe makes sense it’s that Karkat Vantas is the butt of every fucking joke in life. Come laugh at the saddest sack of organs and excrement that existence has to offer!”

“It’s okay that you don't know, she says with a big smile. Nepeta hopes we can be furrends but she needs to hunt down her moirail befur the opening ceremeowny. With a farewell she stalks away, wishing Karkat luck in meeting all our clawsmates!” She does as she said, leaving you blissfully alone again. At least it’s blissful for the few seconds it takes before your overactive aggravation sponge resumes its nearly forgotten panic.

In a rare moment of forethought you find the map before stomping off in a random direction, ignoring the other icons on the tablet. You have doubts about how “useful” this stupid plastic rectangle is going to be. The other features are no doubt designed to infuriate and confuse you, so you leave investigating them to future Karkat.

Everything in this oversized schoolhive uses human terms, because of course it does, so it takes you longer than you would have liked to figure out what everything is. Thankfully you count enough respiteblocks for each of the sorry assholes that have the wonderful fortune to be trapped wherever the fuck you are. There’s also a large mealblock so you can strike starvation off the long list of likely deaths. Assuming this shithole is actually stocked with food...better leave it as a possibility.

Locating the “gym” on the map isn't difficult. It’s one of the larger blocks. You recall they are some combination of rumpusblock and sports arena, because humans can’t do anything the sensible way with their compulsive need to complicate things.

The last thing you want is to wait for the next insufferable nooksniffer that wants to drag you into new levels of terrible conversation. With that fresh in pan you make your way towards the gym. Unfortunately you aren’t close enough to escape bumping into more assholes along the way.

And assholes seemed the appropriate descriptor for the pair before you. One was a human, wearing douchey sunglasses, the other a pretentious seadweller in a ridiculous cape. The latter looked to be hounding the former and you quickened your pace to avoid getting dragged into whatever was occurring. Or you tried to anyway.

“You’re a troll,” the seadweller started, turning his attention to you. “Tell this human how grateful he should be that one as high on the hemospectrum as I am has taken notice to a pathetic bein’ like him. He should be jumpin’ at the chance to get to know someone as great as Eridan Ampora!”

You groan and bring your prongs to your face.

“I was tryin’ to tell Halibut Potter- Wait, shit, that was bad. Draco Malkoi? Sure. Anyway. I was tryin’ to tell The Prissiest Mermaid that I don't give a rat’s ass about all the troll rainbow blood shit. What do you even want dude? Just feels like some ass backwards flirting, and while I understand the allure of this fine piece of Strider-”

“OH MY FUCKING GOG!” You interrupt the human’s rambling. “I can not- I _refuse_ to be dragged into this pathetic douche off! If you want to become intimate with your own strut pods via your incessant noise holes that’s your own fucking prerogative! But I want _nothing_ to do with whatever idiotic shitmess this is supposed to be.”

“Well if you would just-” Eridan starts.

“No. No no no no no. If _you_ would just unclog your listen sponge and notice that your desperate, narcissistic, attempt to get attention is nothing short of fucking futile you wouldn't need to drag random trolls into your business! As if I have nothing better to do than to get you out of this gaping hole you seem so intent on digging for yourself!”

“Ha ha. Holy shit that was beautiful bro. I am literally crying at the majesty of that shitfit,” the human (Strider?) was not, in fact, actually crying or showing any emotion really. He retained a frustratingly neutral expression. The laugh wasn’t even genuine, more like he just said the word “Ha” twice.

“And you,” You point a claw at him. “I don't even have any words to describe the vapid nonsense that dribbled out of your lips in the most terminal case of word diarrhea known to human and troll alike.”

“Oh man, if _that_ was terminal I'm doomed. That was nothing my dude. Doesn’t even begin to represent a trademarked and copywritten genuine Dave Strider word vomit. Start marking your calendars for the quickly approaching funeral.” It didn't seem like Strider had any ability to shut up.

“Well I can tell when I'm not wanted.” Eridan was sulking now, clutching at his scarf and curling into himself. “That's okay. Plenty a other fish in the sea with better taste that can appreciate nobility.”

You sincerely doubt he could _actually_ tell when he isn’t wanted, but he seems to have gotten the glaringly obvious hint now. He walked off towards the gym, leaving you with two equally shit options: Leave for the gym now and risk more Eridan exposure or stay and continue the torturous process of talking to Dave Strider.

The second option was more likely to require less time spent in douche proximity.

“So what's your deal? Is there some kind of ultimate talent for being the best at shouting competitions? Gotta get to know the knight in shining rage that saved my sweetass from the clutches of Fishface McFuckboy,” Dave said, refusing to let a moment go without filling it with meaningless noise. “I'm Dave Strider by the way, I think I said my name already, Ultimate Coolkid. Come here for all the sick beats, rad comics, and ironic jokes you could ever need or want.”

“Ultimate _Coolkid_?” You asked. “First a roleplayer, then a coolkid. What was that other guy? Ultimate Pretentious Dick? What kind of stupid place is this?”

“I think he said he was the Ultimate Sharpshooter, but I honestly tuned out most of what he was saying. Soon as all the blood racism started I clocked right the fuck out. Can't listen to all that troll shit, gotta get home to the wife and two point five kids, sit down and watch some sports and complain about the news.”

“What the actual fuck are you talking about?”

“Have you never seen a sitcom? Husband works a job he hates and goes home to ignore his wife because marriage is a prison or some shit. Nuclear families and canned laughter. Humans eat that shit up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

“Human media and romance doesn’t make any sense.” You throw up your hands in disgust. “Why act like something is flushed when it so obviously isn’t. At least go all the way into making it a good blackrom!”

“Dude I don't think even humans know why we do what we do. But troll romance foursquare doesn’t make any more sense to me,” he shrugs and then seems to remember his original topic. “But anyway you didn’t tell me your deal dude. At least give me a name or I'm gonna have to invent increasingly humiliating nicknames. I might just do that anyway.”

“No. Do not, under any circumstances, do that. My name is Karkat Vantas, happy?”

“Oh man Karkitty that name’s got so much potential.” He makes you immediately regret not taking your chances with Eridan.

“This is the worst conversation. You are the worst living thing I've interacted with in my miserable life. The screeching of my lusus was like a thousand singing flapbeasts compared to the deadpan drone leaving your windchute. I think for once I'll make the smart decision to save myself further frustration and head to the “gym”.” You do just that, but things couldn't be that easy.

“Aw Kitkat I'm flattered. I should probably get to the gym too. Get pumped on all the sports. Show more peeps the Strider charm.” He was following you. God damn it. “Figure out the mystery plaguing the Scooby gang in this episode. Scooby Doo and the Mystery of the Creepy Hope School.”

He seemed perfectly content to devolve into muttering to himself. It was still annoying, maybe even more so since you could only just barely make out words, but at least you aren't expected to respond to the inane babbling. The walk wasn’t long, the gym having been closer than you thought, and upon arrival Dave immediately fell silent.

“Oh em gee!” A voice pierced the colorful crowd of humans and trolls, followed by its owner bounding toward you. Her short blonde hair bobbed as she walked, her bright pink eyes shining with excitement. “You’re totes the cutest troll I've ever seen! Cute nubby lil’ horns and grumpy scowl. Oh geez I'm just ramblin’ away huh? ‘m Roxy!”

“He’s Katki-”

“ _Karkat_ ,” You cut off Dave before he finishes the nickname.

Roxy peers around you at Dave. “Oh holy shit you look like Di-Stri!”

“Wait wha-” Dave is cut off again, this time by Nepeta bounding through the door. A muscular troll follows behind her, toweling sweat off his face.

“And we’re here nyaow! Nepeta told Equius they wouldn't be late,” she said as she pulled him forward. “Spotting her mew furrend she waves hi to Karkat and informs him she successfully hunted down her moirail.”

“Nepeta it is rude to interrupt even if they are just low ranking rabble,” Equius reprimands her.

“Nah dude s’okay. Was just introducin’ myself. And while I am mad important we gotta hope this show gets on the road cuz I hells a want to learn all about what’s goin’ on,” Roxy said.

“Upupupupu! Well you’re in luck!” Everyone’s attention turned to the stage in the front of the room. A small black and white beast, like a human stuffed bear toy, jumped onto the podium. You assume there’s some kind of hidden door on the stage.

“Hello everyone! Monokuma here to welcome you to Hope’s Peak Academy! Are you all well? Ready to get this opening ceremony on the way?” The bear paused as if waiting for a response. Most of the room sat in confused silence; some quietly murmured to each other.

“Good, good!” Monokuma continued. “Now first I should explain what you’re all doing here…”

“Damn right,” you heard someone call out.

Monokuma ignores that outburst and continues. “You Ultimates are so full of the world’s hope! To protect that hope you will all continue to live out the rest of your lives here, in this academy.”

What?

“All will be provided for you and you'll live in peace and harmony as long as you abide by school rules. Wouldn't want to cause trouble~” Monokuma winked. This whole situation was getting weirder and more unsettling by the second. He was way too cheery. Why were they being told to stay here?

“Um...Why, uh, why do we have to...stay here?” A timid voice calls out, followed by several other shouts of protest.

“Do you really want to leave? What could be better than a life spent not worrying about things like money and jobs? Just a life spent with friends, honing your talents, and being peaceful?”

“You can’t actually be serious about keeping us here. What of our old lives? We cannot be asked to give up family, friends, everything we’ve ever known to stay in some school we know nothing about.” You catch sight of this human. She looks a lot like Roxy.

“Upupupu,” Monokuma laughs. “You don’t have a choice anyway. There’s no way out and no contact going outside of the school.”

Your bloodpusher plummets into your digestive sac. The tension in the room skyrockets as everyone processes the new information. Evidence had pointed to how trapped you were, but hearing it confirmed was difficult.

“Oh but don't look so un _bear_ ably glum! As your wonderful headmaster I've created a special way for you to graduate!”

“Oh really? Well hurry the fuck up and teeeeeeeell us!” Someone else calls out.

“It’s quite delightfully simple~ All you have to do is murder one of your classmates and you get to leave!”

The tension reaches previously untold levels as the crowd shifts further apart. Silence falls as everyone processes this new revelation. You knew it. You're going to die here.

“Wh-what? That can’t be true! Ha ha ha good joke! But really how do we actually graduate?” You register the voice as human but you aren’t even looking at the group anymore. Your vision feels unfocused and the voices are mixing into a dull buzz.

“Awww you don't trust your adorable headmaster? Upupu. Why would I lie? Doesn't it sound so exciting? Stabbing, flaying, crushing, burning, choking, so many ways to kill! It doesn’t matter how you do it you just gotta do it!”

You feel sick. There are so many trolls here and you’re just a weak mutant, a perfect target. Fuck fuck fuck. You need to get out, but where would you even go?

“So what, you just expecting us to kick off some Battle Royale killing spree? Don't we get supplies and weapons or are we supposed to punch each other an’ shit?” Someone was speaking. Who was it? Processing the words was hard enough, let alone figuring out who it came from.

“You're all Ultimates, creativity shouldn't be a problem~ But we can't just have you descend into chaos and all slaughter each other. A bloodbath could be exciting but a reward like graduation requires you to use your brain!”

“Quit being so fucking cryptic and tell us what we need to know before I make you the first victim!” Oh god whoever that is she doesn't sound scared, far too willing.

“Ahhh! No! Don't attack your headmaster! You wouldn't want to break the rules~ Then you’d have to be _punished_ ~ Besides destroying this body wouldn’t do any good. I have loads of back ups.”

How does this keep managing to get worse? You can't breathe. Are you still breathing?

“But I suppose I should explain _some_ of the rules. You can’t just simply kill willy nilly, you have to avoid getting caught too. After a murder there will be a class trial and if the culprit is found out they get punished! But if they aren’t found out they get to go free while everyone else is punished instead!”

“Does punishment mean what I think it means?” Another new voice. There are too many, you can’t even begin to tell where it came from right now.

“Upupupupu!” Monokuma is laughing again. You hate this sound. “The only punishment is execution of course!”

And there it is. Even if you're not the one murdered you're still going to die.

“Well I think that’s all for opening ceremonies! Your Student Handbooks have been helpfully updated with all the school rules, all in easy access so no complaints if you break any~ Enjoy your heart pounding school life!” He disappeared as quickly as he'd appeared, leaving an unsettled silence hanging in the gym.

“Well that was horseshit,” one of the voices broke through. You think he had spoken earlier too.

“Indeed. We should discuss a strategy to investigate our options. See if there really is no exit or if the bear lied.” That was...the Roxy lookalike. The knowledge that some of the others in the room aren’t immediately filled with homicidal urges calms you just enough to get your regular breathing back. Thankfully no one noticed you panicking, or are at least ignoring it and saving you from humiliation.

“We should split into groups so no one gets caught alone,” a troll wearing bright red glasses speaks up.

“I agree. Groups of at least three, so no one gets singled out or left without witnesses. We should reconvene in the cafeteria afterwards, share what we’ve found in our investigations.”

While you recover the human, who you learn is named Rose, and the troll, Terezi, split up the groups and divide up the locations on the map for each to search. There was some arguing about who didn’t want to go with who, and a troll in an eyepatch attempting to take control, but it otherwise went smoothly.

You end up assigned to stay and investigate the gym alongside Rose, Dave, and a troll named Kanaya. Rose seems sensible and Kanaya is strangely nice for a troll. That just leaves Dave as the only obnoxious element, so you suppose it could've been worse.


	2. Conversational Meanderings and Disappointing Searches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy late 4/13!

“If everyone understands-” Rose is interrupted as the loud, eye-patched, troll shouts over her.

“Alright losers this shouldn't be hard, you've all got maps. Let’s go!”

“Vriska,” Terezi warns, earning a shrug and smug smirk.

“What? Someone has to get things moving!”

Aaand you were already starting to feel the receding panic get replaced with a headache. Great. You make a mental note about how piss poor of a job these idiots were doing at leading and keeping things on track.

“I think you're makin’ this take longer actually,” Roxy chimes in. You notice a small shift in Rose’s stance and how she seems to be avoiding looking directly at Roxy.

“Yes, exactly,” Rose says. Vriska scoffs but otherwise doesn't interrupt this time. “Assignments to everyone's liking I hope? Shall we get on with this investigation or has someone else suddenly remembered some previously forgotten grievance?”

A few murmurs of confirmation rise from the group but no one protests.

“Good, now investigation begin!” Terezi shouts, impatiently excited.

The five other groups shuffle out of the gym, nearly everyone at varying levels of apprehensive. Not much is said aside from a few quiet exchanges amongst them. Nepeta says a brief farewell to you before she and Equius leave with two other trolls.

 

Once everyone else has left a silence fills the room. It doesn't last long however.

“Yo Rose. Rose. What the fuck?” Dave suddenly says, making you realize how he hadn’t said anything during the whole opening ceremony fiasco.

“You'll have to elaborate Dave. There was quite a lot of information thrust upon us in such a short amount of time. It is ludicrous for you to assume that I have managed to process all of it, let alone have the telepathic ability to determine which of those things you are referring to,” Rose responds.

“I mean yeah there was a lot of stuff and I’m sure we can rap about that later, like how you're here too and that's great and terrible, but I mean… _Did you see them_?”

“Judging by how vague you are being I do not think it presumptuous of me to assume you do not refer to John and Jade, but rather the other group of humans that share distressingly similar appearances with our group of four. In which case, yes I did in fact _see them_ but I would prefer to focus on the present matter and worry about them at a later time when my thoughts are less preoccupied with avoiding death.”

“Do you understand what they are talking about perchance?” Kanaya asks, approaching you and keeping her voice low so as to not interrupt.

“I have no idea what they’re blabbering on about,” You say, not even bothering to control your normal volume. What did it matter if you spoke loudly? It wasn't like the two humans were making an effort to keep their conversation private anyway.

“We are hardly ‘blabbering on’ as you put it. You are also quite surprisingly loud. Someone more inclined to believe in simple cliches might attribute that to an attempt to compensate for the small stature. But that would also be quite rude to say of someone I have only just now met,” Rose says, her mouth drawn into a smirk.

“Oh man you should hear his insults. Karkles is hilarious,” Dave adds.

“Wow. Fuck you. Fuck you both. And it’s Karkat! Stop giving me stupid nicknames you obnoxious shitmouth,” You reply. Forget every positive thought you ever had about Rose. What even was that? When had this become Attack Karkat Time?

“Oh my, but he is quite loud huh?” Kanaya too? She must have noticed your deepening scowl as she immediately apologizes, but the amusement hasn’t left her face. “I am sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“As amusing as continuing to pick on Karkat or muse about our mysterious near-dopplegangers would be I would rather not delay the task at hand. Dave could I receive your assistance examining the stage while our troll companions inspect what I suspect is an equipment room?” Rose asks. Although she only directly addressed Dave she does make sure you and Kanaya are okay with that.

You both nod and Dave raises his hand in a human gesture you know as a ‘thumbs up’, which is a stupid name as it usually only involves a single thumb. Even when it does involve both thumbs they call it a ‘double thumbs up’ or otherwise specify that they are using two thumbs instead of one. Very little about human culture makes sense.

 

As you split into two pairs the tension surges back. You hadn't realized how much of a reprieve the brief relatively normal, if insulting, interaction had been, but the gnawing fear creeping back into you made you almost miss the presence of the two humans.

Luckily Kanaya didn't seem content to let the silence linger too long. “So I am admittedly curious to know what your Ultimate title is. Mine happens to be the Ultimate Fashion Designer, which I find rather pleasing as it is indeed an activity I am fond of.”

“I still have no idea where the fuck I'm supposed to learn that,” you say, pushing open the door to the attached block. It seems Rose was right about there being equipment here. You briefly wonder how many of these things could be utilized as weapons before burying that deep in your apprehension sponge.

“Hmm,” Kanaya hums thoughtfully as she runs her hand delicately over a row of striped orange spheres. “That is odd, considering I was informed of my title by the initial greeting on my Handbook. Have you viewed the other applications?”

“No, I was too busy wondering how to avoid my impending death to care about this dumb thing,” You pull the tablet from your pocket and start tapping the screen. “I only used the map to get around this nightmare schoolhive.”

“Perhaps the Student ID feature will have more information?”

Finally taking the time to examine the tablet you silently curse past Karkat for not even making the smallest attempt to figure the thing out. In addition to the map there is ‘Student ID’ and ‘School Regulations’. Huh. You expected...more. The wording from the earlier message had made you assume this thing would do something other than contain three information pieces.

You click on the ID and are greeted with an image of yourself (Where did it come from?) with various details written alongside it. Name, height, weight...Blood- You freeze and flick your gaze to Kanaya. She isn't looking at you; she's looking at the various items on the shelves, politely avoiding hovering over you. It's fine. You're _fine_. Whoever brought you here knows but…

No one else does yet. You just stopped panicking now is not the time to start again. It doesn't matter anyway; you're going to die here regardless. Just have to shove it to the back of your thinkpan, deal with having that breakdown later.

Kanaya suggested the Ultimate title might be here. You focus on that instead of the _other thing_. However the answer is far from satisfying. ‘Ultimate ????????’ What is that supposed to mean?

“Of course!” You shout before you think to stop yourself. “Of _fucking_ course! Why would I expect anything different?”

“Are you alright?” Kanaya asks, giving you a concerned and confused look.

“Just fucking wonderful! I always knew I was a useless, talentless, pathetic waste of space but it's just fucking great to see it confirmed even in this fucked up scenario!”

“I believe what you meant to say was ‘no'. Maybe I can help if you explain what you are screaming about.”

“There's no title! I have no Ultimate talent, which makes sense because I'm certainly not good at anything anyway! What would it even be? Ultimate belligerent asshole with no volume control?”

“I do not understand. There was just no title given to you?”

“Nothing! Nothing but some stupid surprise noodles left there to taunt me! Ha look at Karkat Vantas the king of all dipshits! Can't even get trapped in a death game right!”

“It is doubtful that there is a correct way to get ‘trapped in a death game’. These titles do not seem to mean anything anyway, likely just serving to enhance this strange theme.” Kanaya has been keeping her tone calm, careful, and although you _want_ to be pissed off about it, you can't deny that what she’s saying makes sense.

“Still…” You trail off, anger suddenly deflating in the face of reason. How does she manage to be so composed?

“Yes, I can imagine how feeling so left out would be quite frustrating. Even in a situation like this one.”

You let out a noncommittal grunt. Without the indignant rage you're just left with the shitty lingering effects of your self loathing. It's a festering, miserable feeling that you don't feel like giving voice to right now. Instead you shut your wretched noise chute for once and busy yourself with the task at hand.

Various pieces of both familiar and unfamiliar equipment fill the block, which is more like an overgrown closet in your opinion. Balls of different sizes and colors sit on shelves or in bins. A pile of rackets and sticks is leaning up against a far corner. The opposite corner contains a few practice swords and bows shoved against the wall, mirroring the racket pile. Larger things, like thick mats and a large net, have been kept out of the way. Everything looks carefully organized, in a way that makes it all look almost unused, but a few things seem to have been haphazardly placed in the wrong spot. One of the smaller fuzzy, yellow, balls is lodged in a pile of large, dull red, ones. A hooked stick is wedged between two mats. Little things that aren't quite where they belong. Kanaya makes sure to place the items in their correct spots as she finds them, tidying up the room.

You're beginning to find her presence strangely comforting, the silence for once pleasant rather than stressful. It is occasionally broken by small comments between you, noting the things you're finding or wondering which human sport an unfamiliar object is for. You are making a comment about the stupidity of calling the brown oblong shape a ball while all the other balls are spheres when the nice atmosphere is abruptly shattered. The door swings open and, just as quickly, gets nearly slammed shut as you hear Rose’s voice shout something from the other side.

“Sup,” Dave says, obnoxiously nonchalant, as if he didn't just rush in here in an extremely suspicious manner.

“Is something wrong?” Kanaya asks. She cautiously moves towards the door.

“Yep. Everything’s cool. All green. Fine and dandy,” Dave shuffles further into the room. “Just wanna see what's up in the sports closet.”

“Uh huh. And that's why you ran in here like a cluckbeast whose cranial lump was cut off?” You eye him suspiciously.

“Just really excited to see what shit we can play bro. I am the king of sports. Know all about putting the touchdowns in the basket.”

“I am going to check outside,” Kanaya says before leaving the block.

“Nah there's nothin’ out there but go ahead I guess. I mean, Rose is out there but nothing bad. Unless you've got a severe allergy to being psychoanalyzed.”

“You do realize she can't hear you Strider? Not that you seem to care if anyone is or wants to listen to you ramble.” You resent that you've been left alone with this living embodiment of a migraine. “Regardless, as much fun as it would doubtless be to see just how far down your moron tunnel you can fit your foot I'm done in this ‘sports closet’ so you can have fun with your sticks and balls alone.”

One corner of his mouth twitches upwards into an amused smirk. “Can't believe you're thinkin’ about me like that bro.”

“Like what? You said you enjoy your human sports so what is the problem?”

“I don't know shit about sports.”

“I don't actually give a fuck.”

You push past him and through the door before the conversation continues its descent into idiocy. Dave follows, causing you to wonder if this is just a thing he does, follow people who want nothing to do with him.

Rose stops her quiet conversation with Kanaya mid-sentence as you approach. The way she looks at you is uncomfortable, as if she's trying to pick apart your very being with her gaze alone. You stiffen defiantly to hide your discomfort, but her smug expression tells you that she sees right through that attempt.

“Good to see you back so soon Dave,” she says, turning her attention away from you. “I was just conferring with Kanaya about our findings. Given your rush to go in there I suspect you found something to your liking?”

“Oh yeah, gonna get my sports on. Can't wait,” he responds.

“Well at least contain your excitement until after our group meeting.”

“Ruining my fun Lalonde. I had plans of turning that meeting into a sportstraveganza. Like the superbowl and the world cup having sex in a basketball court.”

“Does anything he says make any sense? Ever?” You ask.

“I'm afraid this is just a small taste of the folly of Strider.” Rose just seems amused by the whole situation.

“You wound me Rose.”

“Thankfully it isn't fatal. You'll survive.”

“I would hate to aggravate your injuries, but perhaps we should depart for the meal block?” Kanaya seems nearly as amused as Rose does. “Others may be finishing up and I would not like to keep everyone waiting.”

“Yes, of course. Assuming Dave doesn't need to recover before the journey.”

“If he wants to be a wiggler about it he can stay here alone,” you grumble.

“Cool, good to know I can count on you assholes.” Dave shrugs a shoulder and starts towards the exit. “Let’s go get the gang back together and start the reunion tour then.”

You heave a heavy sigh as the four of you leave the gym.

 

By the time you get there the cafeteria has descended into chaos. Your group was the last to arrive and the arguing brought about by so many clashing personalities was in full swing. It was impossible to tell what had started it, but it didn't matter. You didn't have the patience for putting up with all this bullshit right now.

“Attention bulgelicking morons! Kindly cease all the fucking noise from your respective ignorance tubes and pay the fuck attention!” You raise your voice above your already loud normal volume. It has the desired effect. “In the interest of getting this shit over with as quickly as possible let’s pretend to get along for five fucking minutes and discuss how screwed we are.”

“That’s what I've been trying to do!” Vriska shouts.

“Nuh uh! You've just been trying to make yourself leader! We barely even know each other yet we can't pick a leader!” A long haired human stands from where she was sitting.

“I would have-”

“Shut up!” You interrupt Vriska. “No one cares! The human-”

“Jade.” She corrects you. You choose to ignore that.

“-is right! What kind of dipshit makes a stranger their leader?”

No response from Vriska this time. You guess she can't think of an argument to that.

“We should probably decide on an order,” Rose says.

“The meal block squad should go first!” Terezi slams both palms loudly against the table, then points vaguely in the direction of three trolls. “Feferi did your group find anything of note?”

You take a seat at the long table as the sea-dweller you assume is Feferi begins speaking.

She explains enthusiastically about the block you're currently in. When she mentions that, like every other room she's been in, there is a strange monitor mounted on the wall you’re unsettled at how you missed something that obvious. You were apparently panicking harder than you thought. She's started explaining the attached ‘kitchen' and how it has two large ‘refrigerators’ stocked full of both human and troll food. You're too busy being thankful that you actually can strike starvation from the Possible Causes of Death list to complain about highblood terminology.

The discussion continues at a similar pace, with Terezi keeping order and selecting a representative to relay each group's findings. The second group consists of Jade and two other exceedingly similar looking humans. One of them, John, explains that their investigation was cut really short. Apparently the ‘nurse's office’ was locked and nothing was out of place in the bathrooms (They seemed to be the only place without a monitor though.) They took the extra time to investigate the hallways, finding a barred off stairwell leading both up and down.

Your group goes next, with Rose taking lead. She and Dave had tried to find any sign of a trap door on the stage and failed, leaving open the question of how Monokuma got there so suddenly. You interject to explain the equipment closet, but are otherwise content to let Rose handle this.

Roxy, one of the humans who had the misfortune to work with Eridan, says the respite blocks are all labeled and shut with electronic locks, each tied to the individual’s handbook. Unfortunately each room’s interior is identical meaning no recuperacoons, only human slumber platforms. At least you don't have to worry about anyone breaking in and murdering you in your sleep. Not that you'll get much of that. Also they come with attached ablution blocks, which is another positive.

Terezi allows Vriska to “present their findings”, likely to keep the power hungry troll from getting too antsy. There are two ‘classrooms’ on this floor, but they contain nothing of interest. They did manage to find where the exit should be, but predictably and disappointingly it is heavily fortified. Unless the windows on the second floor were conveniently forgotten during the fortification process you really are trapped.

Finally Nepeta talks about the rather large library, which contains a mixture of both Earth and Alternian literature. At least you won't be bored with whatever short time you have remaining. Nothing otherwise noteworthy was found, though they didn't have the time to “purruse” all the books. All of these facts add up to a multitude of useless school objects and a serious lack of options.

“I was hoping there’d be some fucking computers. Even a shit one,” A troll in obnoxious duel-colored glasses complains.

“There’s no way there isn’t any somewhere. Not with that robot around.” That human has bullshit spiky hair and equally bullshit spiky shades. Why do so many of these assholes have ridiculous eyewear?

“Robot?” You ask.

“The bear, obviously,” Equius says, looking disgusted that he has to speak to you.

“The mechanized stuffed animal menace. Either someone's controllin’ it or it’s a piece of sophisticated tech. A place with that wouldn't be this low tech,” Spiky shades continues.

“Well there's clearly more to this school than meets the eye. Many mysteries still afoot for us to solve! Like those pesky locked areas.” The remaining unknown human girl chimes in excitedly.

“Aw yiss Janey we’re gonna solve all the mysteries up in this beetch,” Roxy adds, draping an arm over the other’s shoulder.

“Naturally. As if it was any question we’d get out with me here,” Vriska says.

“Rather confident of you.” Kanaya looks unamused.

“The sentiment, however self-aggrandizing, is a good one to have. Determination-”

“Rose. I don't think the wordy speech shit’s necessary. Snarky or otherwise,” Dave interrupts.

“Your shit’s never necessary Strider but that doesn't stop you from unleashing a torrent of meaningless words to aggravate every unfortunate-”

“Wait. Strider?” You are now the one being interrupted. By the triangle sunglasses asshole.

“Uh, yeah bro. That's my name. Dave Strider.”

The humans glance around at each other in a mix of confusion and unease. All except for Roxy.

“Oh man I thought he looked like ya but he has the same name too? Dirk this is crazy weirds!”

“Really weird,” Dirk? agrees.

You are so fucking lost. Granted everyone looks varying levels of confused but you're the only one you care about here.

“Nepeta thought that humans often had family groups?”

“Yeah but like, I got no clue who this dude is. Don't got no long lost twin or nothin’,” Dave says.

“I agree on the bizarre nature of this conundrum,” Rose rejoins the conversation. “None of us had siblings, lost or otherwise, but now we seem to be sharing space with eerie lookalikes.”

“It’s really freaky. Jade and I were talking to Jake about how weird it was that we look so alike.” You recall this human’s name was John.

“Most confounding that particular jigsaw.” That must be Jake then.

“So you are not human family then?” Kanaya asks.

“Nope! We're all only children,” Jade says.

“Oh! Is that not normal for humans? How weird!” Feferi sounds too excited for such a mundane piece of information.

“Do you guys not know anything about humans?”

“John, do you know anything about trolls?” Rose asks.

“Not really, ha ha.”

“Do any of you incompetent dung-nozzles know anything about trolls?” You doubt their answer will be yes.

“Ya got horns. You’re grey. You like hate fucking,” Dave’s answer is so unsurprising it hurts.

“Good job you pathetic, hornless, thin-skinned mammal with strictly inferior romance system. I'm so impressed at that astounding level of knowledge that I'm speechless.”

“So about this weird mirror not-family shit?” Dirk tries steering the conversation back on track.

“Uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! This human shit is boring!” Vriska dramatically flops down onto the table.

“Apologies that our conundrums are not to your interest,” Rose says.

“Personally I think it is fascinating, although I confess I do not quite understand it,” Kanaya says.

“Smells interesting to me too!” Terezi punctuates her statement by sniffing the air.

“I think this is all pointless and stupid. Do I even need to be here now? Or can I go attempt to sleep off this nightmare?” You really are tired, but that isn't any surprise. You're always tired.

“What uh..what time is it anyway?” The nervous troll in the wheelchair has _enormous_ horns holy shit.

“Is it all being time for a motherfucker to get his sleep on?” Jegus that is one sopored up looking asshole in greasy clown face paint.

“I think the handbook slab had a clock,” Terezi pulls her tablet out and then just...fucking licks it. Everyone here is so weird. You hate them all. “It’s-”

She's interrupted by a notice chime and the awful robot bear appearing on the monitor. You have no idea where he is or if this is just a recording, but you can clearly see a wall of screens behind him. They are displaying images of different places in the schoolhive.

“Ahem, may I have your attention please? The time is now 10:00 pm. It is now nighttime. The gym and cafeteria are now off limits, please leave these areas as they will be locked shortly. That is all. I wish you all a good night. Sweet dreams~”

The monitor clicks off with an audible pop.

“You heard the bear let’s adjourn,” Terezi says.

“We’ll meet back here in the morning. Everyone better be on time or else.” Vriska adds.

“Or else they’ll get a pan drubbing!”

No one has any objections to that idea, nor do any of you want to find out what happens if you take too long to leave the nutrition block. The respite blocks seem to be the only real destination and a mass migration heads in their direction. Being caught alone after everybody else has gone to sleep is the last thing anyone wants right now. None of the idle conversations catch your attention during the short walk. You're aware that you didn't eat anything today, and you briefly wonder if everyone forgot or if you’re the only one. Either way it’s too late for that now.

You enter your designated block, and as the door closes your anxiety rears its horns again and you find yourself somewhat looking forward to tomorrow morning. Both for the food and for the company. They're a bunch of stupid, aggravating, assholes but, although you’d never admit it, being alone with only your own thoughts is worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot of conversation and me sewing the seeds for my plans.


End file.
